Valentine’s Day Message

I’ve never written about fruit before, and certainly never in a stream-of-consciousness format. But the truth is, from inside my mysterious government office (in which I am forever cocooned), I’ve decided to take up fruit-eating; not so much as a new and exciting tradition, but more as a way to fill an emptiness inside my heart.

A word of advice, however: if you’re looking to fill the emptiness inside your soul, it’s not a great idea to go for the admittedly tempting discounted cup of fruit at the entrance to the nearby supermarket. Because then you will be purposely filling your heart with unsatisfactory fructose, when really, your heart could instead be enriched by fruit picked off the tree of elsewhere.

In my defense, the emptiness in someone’s soul is not something that easily goes away, even when there’s a nearby supermarket. It’s Valentine’s Day after all, and many people would argue that empty souls are traditional filled and stuffed by St Valentine’s eternal mystery; that of human sexual connection, something I like to call ‘the fruit of lust’.

And so, for those whom lust’s rich fructose has no place to call itself home, allow PlanetVondelpark to soothe your deepest wounds, to breath heavily along your neck, and to remind you of the small but sweet kisses on the back of your neck (again) that you have admittedly never experienced, but which for someone like you (especially you) have felt all too real.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

The Japanese Jesus Conspiracy: Visiting the Christ Festival in Japan’s Aomori Prefecture

Recently I decided to attend the Christ Festival in Japan’s Aomori Prefecture, a ceremony which celebrates the strange notion that Jesus lived and died in Japan.

Recently I decided to attend the Christ Festival in Japan’s Aomori Prefecture, a ceremony which celebrates the strange notion that Jesus lived and died in Japan.

Held early on a Sunday morning, the Christ Festival seemed strangely unchristian; instead the entire service came across as remarkably Japanese. But when you learn the story behind this myth, everything becomes quite a lot clearer.

I was also lucky enough to spend some time with the local villagers of Shingo Village, some of whom ran ‘Christ-Stop’, a convenience store devoted to selling Japanese Jesus-related products.

So yes, it’s all a bit confusing. But watch the video below and you’ll see that, well, it all makes sense in a strange way. Don’t forget to let me know what you think and please subscribe. Praise Japanese Jesus.